Counsellor Calling! I Need Help. (And other late night confessions)
I Need Help. That's the bravest words spoken to me in the last 24 hours from a man who is a friend and someone who has been wearing a brave face for too long. Secretly he was dying. Dying on the inside. Driven mad by the quicksand. Slowly sinking. And everything he was trying, was screwing him down deeper.
We held each other and shed tears together.
Two grown men, both years of training in martial arts, successful in business, with families and outwardly doing good for the community, and blubbering like babies.
I felt tears fall for two reasons.
One I uttered those 3 words five years ago. They were simple words. I Need Help.
The second, not just two hours ago I was speaking with my counsellor who, coerced me, challenged me, beat me and broke open my stubborn mind to make me realise how much of a blind, stubborn, proud, selfish person I had been.
You see, men clearly are idiots. I hope my mother wont mind me saying this, but we have a tendency to fuck things up! Quite royally too, in grand proportions. It seems to happen mostly to middle age men but I am hearing young guys are dorks and there is no fool like an old fool. (I hear something about this thing called Wisdom)
And all the time we are doing exactly what we shouldn't be doing. Being proud. Being insensitive. Boozing ourselves away. Taking mind numbing drugs. Acting like dickheads.
Sure we are smart. Sure we can build strange devices like Da Vinci. Fire space cars into big brilliant rockets like Musk. We can solve impossible riddles (women can do it better i bet) and there are many more. Lets throw the usual names in; Einstein, Pavarotti, Freud, Jobs, Churchill, Gandhi and so on.
But perhaps if aliens were observing (lets talk about that later), they would say how the hell have these dumbasses managed to stay alive. I guess that's when they see the women and go... Ahhhh''
Now don't get me wrong women can be incredibly odd and unusual, weird, bizarre, utterly mad and dumb as drill bits too. But it strikes me they have something over us with dangly bits.
They talk. They have emotions. They get help. Its ok for them to talk about their problems, feel their emotions, complain about their goat herding husbands and then still love them.
Can you imagine if Hitler had a mental health care plan and a few visits with Jung? Perhaps we wouldn't have had some of the most insidious acts cast upon the earth?
What about if the Unabomber just had a damn good cry and a few more hugs?
I'm pretty sure Tyson would have belted a few less people if he had a good cuppa, read some Joseph Campbell and held a few more hands.
How about we get over this male and female shite. I agree to a degree with Men Martian and Woman Venusian book. There are very obvious differences and they should be rejoiced in, except for us idiots who don't talk, don't hug, don't touch, don't talk, don't sit down with a practiced professional to talk out things.
Now I condemn myself as well. As a male, I have been called the Prince of Darkness once before, because of my capacity to find all manner of fun and numbing things to lead hordes of cavemen into dark escapism.
I should have said those three words sooner. I Need Help.
You see it is blindingly easy. Your mind is what matters. It is the beginning of everything and everything is created once in your mind before it is created in the world. So if things suck up there. They start to suck out there. So if the ole' brain is broke, then get some brain work done.
But somewhere in the future, someone said, screw this stuff, lets not worry about it, lets just go and drink this nice stuff and maybe spear a few people over there for the helluva it.
Or perhaps Arak (or some other appropriate name) once said to his mate, "i sad, i sad; I miss mama." And maybe if his mate gave him a hug and talked it out, Arak would've been a nicer man and not decided to burn down the nearby village.
What the hell is so wrong with saying I Need Help. When the computer is broke, you go and get a computer guy with those glasses and they fix it. If your roof is broken you get the roof dude. If your country is broken you get a leader to fix it (aww crap that example didn't work did it! - I've been trumped). But you get what i mean. Problem = Fix.
So our mind gets screwed up over death, broken hearts, lost little ones, sad days, lost mementos, worrying about after life, and so much much more. Mind Screwed = Fix.
Now let me give you a beautiful anecdote. I spoke to someone recently which I knew for such a little while. Such a beautiful person who I knew for only 24 hours. But my god what a beautiful broken angel. I spoke to her for a few hours and she was clearly suffering. When I suggested therapy and counselling, she said we don't do counselling. Its not a done thing. WTF?
Broken hearts and brains? Sorry we cant fix that.
Roads we can. Pipes. Complex medical procedures. Can Do. Transfer of crypto currencies. You bet! New boobs and noses. Definitely.
But professional help for the head space. Total Ban.
Now look, there are religious people out there who suggest we confide in God and so forth. Don't get me wrong I have a close relationship with the Higher Power and we speak most days, although I try to listen more these days. I don't want to go down this track but for ....'s sake, what's wrong with someone who knows about the mind (and heart) being able to help.
I see spirit and mind separate and together but separate but together. Now work that out and i'll say yay, but let me say one thing right now. One feeds the other and so on.
This subject requires a whole blog and perhaps I have strayed.
Let's get back to it. I Need Help.
I loved Russell Brand's Freedom from Addictions which I just read. Amazing, Amazing, Amazing. Russell is certifiable along with a bunch of others but you read his account in this book and you think; My God! He said those three words; I Need Help.
He installed a program or rather updated his current program and wow; he's smashing it.
Oh and he is maintaining the program as well. All part of the I Need Help. You always Need Help; some more than others. Sometimes more than others.
Ok, I have dragged on enough.
Men. Please. Listen. Cry. Hug. Hold On. Read. Listen. Talk to a wise old fella.
And say I Need Help.
Go see that Counsellor, the Psychologist, the whomever. Make sure they know what they are on about and get recommendations. Fix the brain like you would that leaking engine or the dodgy antenna on the roof. Get Help.
Now to put a bit of context on it. Firstly I am an idiot that seems to keep screwing things up. But funnily enough I keep learning. But I can tell you from the verge of jumping of a building to saying those words. I Need Help. Things are getting better. Strangely enough I feel better when I cry. (Apparently it is pain leaving the body - funny that). I hug. Sometimes even trees and they don't even bark at me. (Mandatory pun and "dad joke" for my two little ones).
I have mentors. I have a Counsellor who likes to tell me I am a bullshit artist.
By the way, the worst lies we tell, are the ones we tell and believe ourselves.
You see us Men are biological designed to lie. We are designed to puff ourselves up to ward away the dangerous animals, and we are design to preen ourselves to attract mates. We are born liars. Thats if we stick to the old ("I am close to an animal than an angel") but if we say I Need Help we can become more honest especially with ourselves and our loved ones.
You see my counsellor calls out my nonsense because it comes to me in a way that is subconscious and intensely instinctive. Apparently we have this self justification kit built into our program so we always have a reason at hand; for acting like an asshole. Oh and we are good at blaming others, apparently it makes us feel good (for awhile at least) and then we end up crying into our beers and mumbling about someone who screwed us over; with a guy named Al who is more interesting in the football game at hand.
The brain breaks down. Get it fixed. Then maybe even upgrade it. Then maybe even install anti virus and security systems. (That's me talking from my 20 years IT experience and saying I Need Help)
** Disclaimer; In my spare time I am studying to be a part time volunteer counsellor because part of my purpose is to help others. You see my message from the universe 3 years ago threw in a second instruction I Need (to) Help (others)
*** Highly Recommended reading by all Men - The Way of the Superior Man - Oh My Sweet Heavens. Top of the Tops. Thank you to Jesper and Melissa for the recommendation and changing my life. Graetful.